EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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