i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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