So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
