White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
