How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
