P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
