I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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