i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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