So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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