Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
