What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
