Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
