I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize