Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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