Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
