cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize