Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
