Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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