at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
