i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
