dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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