Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
