Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We need a shit load of segways right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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