just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You made out with two different species that night
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
