she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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