Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
