I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
