he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize