he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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