She is in my trunk
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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