Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
