How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
