So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
