it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
