The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
