I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
