Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
