So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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