how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
