Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
