i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
