You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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