I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
