i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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