There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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