she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
and she was petting her beer can
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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