I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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