I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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