I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i think im in europe. pls send help
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
