There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
