I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
