Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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