Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
