Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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