Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
