why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
