Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Someone came in the potted fern
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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