I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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