don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
