every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
someone owes me an orgasm
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
