Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
