you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
