I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no, he came in my armpit
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
