1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
