Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
