these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
