not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
