I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
