You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
