wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
