69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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