chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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