how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
