He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
