toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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