I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
