He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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