I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
