I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
