In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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