You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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