Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
