i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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