we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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