she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
