i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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