Where did you get a picture of my penis
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
