I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
