is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
