Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
