I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
