It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
