i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
