do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
