how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize