need another drink. this is the easiest way
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize