I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
