Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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